Gifted: Born or raised?

"talk to those who will listen"

As many other moms, I actively search for books and online help.  I hope to find other moms that I can relate to. I believe in nurturing children to become great, no matter what their abilities are. I am raising three kids; their stories are as unique as their personalities and their abilities. One thing is common among them; they are amazingly bright. They are in fact, considered gifted by the standards of many other parents. The oldest, who is nine, always scores in the 99% percentile in standardized testing, since he was in kindergarten. He always score the highest in his "gifted class", in public school. He is fully bilingual. He also knows basic greetings and household phrases in French, Russian, and Mandarin Chinese. He is an active swimmer. 

The second child is 100% wheelchair bound and has been reading at first grade level since she was three years old. She now reads at second grade level. She is still in pre-k. She knows basic phrases in five languages and is fully bilingual. She attends public school.

The third child just turned two. She can sing songs in four different languages and is fully bilingual.

They did not self-teach. Everything they know, they learned step by step, day after day, since the day they were born. Their skills are the direct result of daily routines and hard work, not genetics or natural causes.

I have been looking for anecdotal and research evidence of how actively teaching toddlers basic academic skills can influence their future academic achievement. Even before having my first child I knew that I would teach my kids to read early. In the gifted world, I am known as a "hot-houser" The definition of "hot-housing" is to increase the degree of education to a very high level, at a younger age. In other words, teaching a child the alphabet at eighteen months or teaching multiplication at five is considered hot housing, in groups and websites for parents of gifted kids.

Hot housing is viewed as a negative thing. I have lurked on the gifted parent’s groups for about a year now recently removing myself due to a loss of interest in the posts and comments. I could not relate to those parents. To them, I am a hot houser, and hot housing is like cheating the "truly" gifted. Truly gifted children are said to be born with a natural ability to read, and are self-taught many things like math, physics, chemistry, and languages as young as a year old. 

How does hot housing compare to teaching sports at a young age? What does a community of parents of the gifted think about training a child from the age of three to become a professional ballet dancer, or a gymnast, or an Olympic Swimmer?

Are Michael Phelp's parents, hot-housers? How about Michael Phelps, himself? His small baby is being taught how to swim by a professional coach (Phelp's very own coach). Michael Phelps began swimming at an early age. Phelps feared the water and could overcome his fears by floating on his back. His love for swimming was something that developed because of exposure to that discipline. Had it been genetics, he would have never made it into the water out of fear.

In search for information about gifted children, I joined online groups to learn more about gifted children. I hoped to learn more about books and resources that were out there for gifted kids as it was getting obvious that my first child was very advanced in academics. I never actually considered that my child could be gifted. I was terrified at the thought of having my child tested. I could never put him through the stress of a two-hour test, just to know his IQ or to have a professional tell me that my child was extremely smart when compared to his peers. I already knew he was very smart. He started reading and spelling at two years old. 

I wanted to read about what other kids that were my kids' ages were reading or doing. I hoped to find resources that could help to continue to foster their bright minds. After a few weeks, I began to feel out of place and It hit me. I realized why I didn't fit in. Most of the posts seemed to be made by moms who believed that their kids were born gifted. They were offended if anyone thought otherwise. They spoke of hot-housing, and not being able to control their kids giftedness or the behavior that came as a result of their child being gifted. I even read posts about moms who saw their children's brightness as a negative thing of sorts. Some even posted that if they could choose between their kid being gifted or not, they would probably choose to have a "normal child". I read stories about children who were lonely because of being gifted, I heard stories about other kids who were bullied as a result of being gifted, I also heard stories about kids who were under performing, had behavioral issues, and had a hard time at home with their siblings as a result of being gifted.

The fact that a parent joins a group to learn how to raise their gifted child, shows that the parent cares. Parents that care that much about their kids, help their kids excel academically.  

The more I read, the angrier I felt. I have three kids and one of them struggles physically to get around. She really struggles. I felt that these moms were being shallow. I have seen how it can be difficult to make friends for my oldest. As he talks about electrons and the elements in the periodic table, his peers talk about spider man or batman. However difficult it may be to socialize for gifted children, any kid can feel like an outcast sometimes. All kids can be bullied at times. Furthermore, 100% of the parents I know struggle with their kids' behavior at different levels, especially as they grow into individuals with different wants and needs from their own parents'. 

The "struggles" stories I read, did not seem so far from the ordinary. There was the kid who continually fought with his siblings. There was the kid who sat alone at lunchtime. There was the kid who all the other seven year old kids didn't care to hang out with, because he was talking about Picasso. These struggles are nothing far from the ordinary life of a regular kid. I could relate to many of them at times. I even shared a few posts. I could relate to the whole behavior thing, and probably the lonely aspect too. When my son was in Kindergarten he was reading Wimpy Kid and Harry Potter. In first grade, he decided that he was taking a trip to the Soccer World Cup in Russia in 2018, so he decided that he wold learn Russian. I supported him 100%. He also learned some French in the process, in addition to already being fluent (reading and speaking) Spanish as well. When he was in second grade he learned the elements and how they react to one another. So he had a little bit of a hard time making friends that wanted to hear about his stories and plans for the future. However, any child this age could have bad behavior, tantrums, and be bullied. So naturally, you could not attribute those issues to being gifted. My second child is so socially adept that she makes friends the minute she enters a room. As bright as she is, she has no social struggles. Her personality shines a positive light among any crowd. 

Aside from the struggles of parents with kids on the autism spectrum or twice exceptional kids, the struggles seemed typical. Yet, lots of moms wrote that their gifted kids should be segregated because their intelligence could suffer if they were in a regular class with regular kids. Although I understand that kids need to be challenged according to their knowledge and abilities, kids must also learn to interact with others of varied abilities. Just because my daughter is unable to walk, I would not want her to be in a class where all kids are in wheelchairs. We all live together in one society, and I want my kids to be able to talk to the President as well as the street sweeper. 

Although I believe kids should learn together, it is the responsibility of both teachers and parents to challenge children to achieve their full potential. There are endless tools and technology available that can help complement the education of both the gifted child and the underachiever. Enrichment can also be achieved with the creation of after school clubs and activities. Segregating students only ensures that the kids who struggle continue to feel inferior and reach a "learning ceiling" while the gifted kids get the education that they so deserve for being the smartest of the crowd. 

Contrary to what many believe, it is my opinion that all children are born with unlimited potential. That is, every human being is capable of excelling in any or all areas. Whether they are born with a genetic disorder, physical limitation, or with no medical diagnosis. I firmly believe that all children are BORN with the potential to become GIFTED! I have read the biographies of many great geniuses. From Einstein to Steve jobs, and Bill Gates, even Leonardo Da Vinci, these bright minds had a mentor or many mentors who nurtured their minds. This is a fact. 

The key to raising a child who excels in academics or sports is consistency and early intervention. I have heard and mothers say that a child that has learned the alphabet at an early age is a bright child, but not necessarily a gifted one. After reading my post, you be the judge of that. Although many people seem to firmly believe that being gifted is the result of genetic predisposition, and that nurture does not play a part in achieving gifted potential, I believe that anyone can become gifted. Could genes help in the process? Maybe so, but those who may not have the genes to learn easily and self-teach complex processes, can be taught those processes and become equally adept or even exceed the capabilities of another child who has "good" genes.

Eight tips to raise an extraordinary child. Labels out the window!

I began teaching my daughter to read when she was eighteen months old. The fact that she could not hold herself in a sitting position, she could not stand, and that her head dropped from side to side often (poor head control) did not stop me from feeling that she was a smart little girl. I treated her as the smart toddler I knew her to be.  I had already taught my oldest (typically developing) to read at two years old by using my own special reading program (easy and totally free). I knew that my little girl had all the potential within herself too because I have always believed that every child has the potential to achieve anything, given the right tools.  I taught her the letters and simple words, every day, five to ten minutes a day. I did not see results immediately, but I never stopped trying because I knew that she was always observing, and learning. And so, between doctor appointments, therapies, surgeries, and caring for my other two children, I took moments to teach her as much as possible. By the time she was three, she was reading full words. Although she just turned five two months ago and still cannot walk, my little girl who many see as disabled is more abled that any other five-year-old I know. She can read at second grade level and speaks many phrases, numbers and songs in Spanish, Russian, French, and Mandarin. She is fluent in her native language (English) and Spanish. She wants to be an astronomer and a dentist when she grows up. It is my job to make this a reality for her! I am very excited to share with you how you can help your child become extraordinary and even gifted, just like I did with my daughter. What would happen if you stop seeing your child as broken and start seeing your child as EXTRAORDINARY? What if you stop asking WHY your child is disabled and why this happening to you? Imagine just for a moment that you stop comparing your “disabled” child to other children? Years ago, these tasks seemed flat out impossible to me. Today, my daughter and our family, live a true magical story of triumph and bravery. And the future is yet to come. What if there was something you could do to help improve the quality of life for your child? How do you help your disabled child become extraordinary? You already go to countless therapy and doctor's appointments. Is there anything more you can do?What if you STOP asking why and figure out how to unlock the blessing that you have in your hands and prove to the universe that “disabled” is nothing more than a label? what if you realize that she CAN and WILL make a mark in the world, in her life, in the lives of others?

How do you begin to embrace the blessing that you have in your hands and find possibilities that are unimaginable to the parent of a “typical child”? For one minute, think about this: Your "disabled child is extraordinary! Say it out loud repeatedly until you truly believe it in your heart.  As the parent of this child, you are the most important person in her world so if you don't believe in her, she will not believe in herself, and no one else will believe in her or her unlocked potential.
During our latest dolphin therapy trip, we met a family from Iceland. They had traveled all the way from Iceland to Key Largo, Florida to experience the magic of Dolphin Therapy. The entire trip had been planned by their twenty-one-year-old son. He was diagnosed with quadriplegia. He is unable to speak and uses a communication device. I was talking to the mother, as much as I could communicate to her in English. I was excited to learn that her son has surpassed all educational obstacles that could be associated with being disabled. This summer, he will graduate college and receive a bachelor's degree from his local university, with honors! It was a refreshing story. Here was this boy, fully confined to a wheelchair and he was about to achieve something that many typically developing kids are not able to accomplish, graduating from college with a remarkable grade point average.
Do you think that your child can accomplish this someday too?

What can you do, daily to help you live this extraordinary, joyful life with your child that is “disabled”, has “special needs”, etc. (per society).

Remember how your world was turned upside down when you learned of your child’s diagnosis? Did you cry, or scream, or asked why do these things happen to me? Did you grieve normality? Grieving is normal and even necessary as you are an emotional being. However, that time has passed and now you have in your hands a wonderful opportunity to help your child become not just a normal person but an extraordinary one. Here are some tips to help you see the extraordinary in your “special needs” or “disabled” child.

1.       Change your vocabulary.  In this amazing journey, we get used to the labels, even worse, we use those labels ourselves. The school calls our kids disabled, special kids, kids with special needs, different kids, etc. All those labels change not only our perception of our child as different but also their own perception of who they are, and what they can do and achieve in the future; that is, what contributions they can make to their own lives, to live happy and contribute to society and become the productive human beings that most people all dream of becoming.  2.       Stop comparing your child to others. My daughter told me “mommy, I am sad”, my immediate reaction, as you might expect was asking her what was making her so sad. She told that she was sad because she could not walk. At her response, I did not feel heartbroken or incomplete. In fact, her response triggered thoughts of all the things that she was great at, all those traits that make her so extra ordinary. I wanted her to feel that her lack of walking did not make her imperfect. I wanted her to know that she is perfect in every single way, so I began listing for her all the things that make her great like her kind heart, her love for pink unicorns, what a great friend, daughter, and sister she is.3.       Focus on the ABILITIES and mitigate the disabilities. Yes, I know that we go to the doctor often, go to therapies, and know more medical terms than any of the other parents of so called “typical” kids. But doesn’t that also make US extra ordinary? There are so many things that our kids can do. Maybe they are not good at gymnastics, or anything requiring strength in the upper torso but there are so many other talents that we can foster and develop in our kids. Research about things that they can do. Just like athletes require years of training, don’t forget to go step by step, and never give up on the new discipline. Whether it is art, painting, music, writing, science experiments, pick one discipline that your child shows the slightest interest in and stick with it. It will take time and practice but just like an athlete needs proper training, your child needs and DESERVES proper guidance and training in whatever new talent you wish for him to develop. Come up with a simple plan or small routine.4.       Call them by their name (not my child with special needs) in public in front of teachers, doctors, other kids and not by the code “special needs” or “special child” all children are special and children do not want to be labeled. Your child is no exception. Often, other kids ask my daughter why she is sitting on that “thing” (her wheelchair). I always answer for her and/or ask her to answer the following: "Because I cannot walk so this wheelchair helps me to get around so I can play and do lots of fun things".5.       Treat them like you would any other child.  If they do something that they shouldn't be doing, point it out to them.  Teach them what you would teach any other child. Believe that the are no limits. Have you even heard of the famous Helen Keller? As a young girl, she lost her sight and hearing but still managed to learn to read and make many meaningful contributions to literature. Her books became best sellers and she became famous. It all came true because she had the support of her family and a life time coach that never gave up.

6.       Even if your child cannot talk, believe that they can learn to read, count, any comprehend any subject because they can! Remember that a lot of abled bodies do not explore and use their brain potential. If you have a child that has any brain damage but you work with them to reach their full potential, they will grow and achieve the unimaginable.

7.       Take small steps.  Set small goals, after all, you must climb one step at a time to get to the top of the staircase. You must learn letter before you learn to read. Make sure that enough time is allotted for each activity. Never underestimate their ability. Always reward with love and affection. Always speak kind words and tell them how much you believe in them, love them and most importantly that they are PERFECT in every single way.

8.      Read books, even if it is for just 10 minutes a day. Read about neuroplasticity, read about teaching, increase your knowledge as you become empowered to better help your child. Reading online doesn’t count as a lot of information online has been altered or offers misinformation. It is easy to write online but it is harder to become a published author and even more difficult to write a good book. So find a good book and read as much as you can about the potential of the human brain. TED talks also provide very useful information. Focus on finding positive information that can help your child improve. Stop reading negative information that draws out into a negative state of grief. Only you can help your child overcome any obstacle and rise above the labels.In an age where everything seems to have been discovered, the potential of the human brain continues to amaze scientists. Its exponential growth begins at conception and continues throughout childhood, growing very rapidly in the toddler years. During the first years of life, the little human brain can attain amplified intelligence but only if it is exposed to an academic and environmental atmosphere that will foster and stimulate new neuron connections resulting in increased gray matter. As new networks of neuron connections are built, the brain becomes more agile, or capable of working at a higher, better capacity. And this is how our big question begins: nature vs nurture. In my humble opinion, based on my experience with my kids, I say nurture can override nature.If a child who does not have any brain damage does not receive the nutrients and stimulation necessary, they will not be able to develop to the best of their potential. What if you provide the stimulation, nutrition, and education necessary to your child, who has been diagnosed with brain damage? What if you nurture their need for good nutrition, love, and learning, the potential for success would be far greater! The results would be like nothing you ever dreamed of, even before your extraordinary child was born!

Resources which I am in no way affiliated with:Website:https://iahp.org/